Picking on something that is sensitive for the spouse like calling them “thunder thighs,” “horse face,” or any other nickname that is not aimed to endear and is not uplifting, when done over and over is extremely emotionally abusive. A husband calling his wife the “B” word is clearly wrong, but it is also wrong for someone to name call or put down their spouse by focusing on their insecurities, expression of emotions, or by making fun of their appearance. These can be administered in a covert way that not all observers and responders may immediately think of as abuse. These seemingly subtle forms of covert abuse expressions should not be dismissed or considered less harmful than overt abuse: Covert Emotional Abuse can be equally devastating to the victim, leading to severe physical and psychological distress.įor instance, the “using emotional abuse” section of the wheel mentions put-downs and name-calling as forms of abuse. It’s critical to note that while the wheel shown above focuses on more obvious and extreme abuses, such as threatening to hurt her, keeping her away from her friends, playing mind games, etc., some of these tactics can be much more subtle. Even just one abusive tactic shown in the wheel that is repeated throughout a relationship is enough to define an abusive relationship. If anyone or multiple elements of the Power and Control Wheel are being used by one of the partners, they are taking an abusive, dominant stance instead of a loving, respectful attitude. In a healthy relationship, couples compromise through authentic and vulnerable conversations, where each individual feels safe asserting their thoughts and feelings. The forms of abuse laid out within the wheel reveal different ways abusers try to dismantle their victims and keep things out of balance. Although the examples in this particular Power and Control Wheel focus on male abuse against women, overt and covert abuse can be wielded by anyone in any relationship, and there are different examples of the wheel available that demonstrate how it can manifest differently for other genders or groups of people. Several different organizations and foundations have created their own version of the Power and Control Wheel, but in this blog we are using the wheel created by the Domestic Abuse Intervention Programs.
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